Beccy Pope, the owner of Merry Maids in North Sussex, shares her history with dementia.

This year, Merry Maids UK have partnered with the Alzheimer’s Society to aid them in their mission to provide help and hope to the over 80,000 people living with dementia in the UK today.

The grandfather of Beccy Pope, owner of Merry Maids North Sussex, was one of them.

Beccy’s Story

In a video that you can watch in full on Merry Maids UK’s YouTube channel, Beccy shares her experience with her grandfather.

She pays tribute to the funny and lovely man he was and the man she lost years ago when he had dementia.

“My grandad was a huge part of my life growing up. He’s my maternal grandad; I lost my paternal grandad when I was a baby, so I only knew my grandad as a grandad,” she says.

“He wouldn’t mind me saying this, but he was a wally! If he said anything, it was funny – he’d weigh into a conversation to get a little jibe or a poke, a dig, a joke, something, and whenever he joined in, there was laughter. He was very active, larger than life, and funny. Just an amazing person all around.”

Early signs

In the summer of 2016, Beccy’s family went on a group holiday to Lanzarote. This is where they started to notice that things weren’t right.

“While we were away, my nan and my grandad had a huge row that made my nan cry. And it was so unlike them to have an argument; I can’t remember what it was over, but it was something so silly.”

“Later on, he went missing. He just wandered off on his own. He’s very sociable, so it wasn’t something we thought he would do.”

Beccy and her husband later found him sitting on a rock in the middle of a waste-land “staring off into space.”

“He was so confused as to why he was there, and it did set off alarm bells. I have to confess that dementia isn’t what immediately sprang to mind,” Beccy says. 

Losing the person you know

“Things went quite downhill from there.”

The chatty, funny man Beccy knew retreated, becoming increasingly less involved in conversations.

“We discovered that he was losing the capability to create speech, to talk and eat properly.”

Beccy describes the swift loss of the man her grandad was in just a few short years.

“We were left with a shell of my grandad. He used to listen, and we would (for want of a better expression) talk to him.”

Eventually, Beccy’s grandad suffered a few falls and was sent to hospital and never came out.

“It’s funny,” she says, “Dementia, depending on the symptoms and what stage you’re at, it’s like losing someone you love every day because you see this person, and they’re not who they used to be, who you’re used to them being.”

“You try to treat them that way and include them, not knowing how included they feel.”

“But every now and then – it’s almost painful – you get a little glimmer of the person you used to know.”

Beccy describes an instance of this from his time in hospital, during a time in which she would make an effort to see him as often as she could.

“He used to be into musicals and all sorts, and I used to go in and play him music and tell him about his great-granddaughter.”

“They were talking about moving him into a hospice, and the last time I saw him, I got an overwhelming sense that it was the last time I was going to see him, and it quite upset me, and I struggled to leave, but as I did, I blew him a kiss.”

“Before then, I’d never got much interaction out of him, but it knocked me for six because he blew me one back.”

Merry Maids Forget Me Knot 2024

Dementia is the UK’s current biggest killer, more than heart disease, more than cancer.

But for many, it is still not widely recognised as a disease due to the common misconception of Alzheimer’s as a ‘part of getting old’.

Last year, as long-time Dementia Friends, Merry Maids stepped up their commitment to the Alzheimer’s Society by raising over £4000 through their Forget Me Knot Challenge fundraiser.

This is a sponsored virtual relay in which staff and owners from Merry Maids businesses across the UK run, walk, or cycle the equivalent total mileage between each Merry Maids UK business, tying them together to create the Forget Me Knot.

This year, they’re going even further.

They have pledged to raise £10,000 with Forget Me Knot 2024 and have trained all their staff across the UK in professional dementia support to the people they clean for nationwide.

The Alzheimer’s Society provides critical support to people throughout their experiences with dementia, allowing people living with the condition and their carers to access expert support.

Merry Maid’s support will also mean they can invest in ground-breaking research into better ways of treating and caring for people with dementia.

How you can support them and Alzheimer’s Society

“If I could pass on any advice, I’d strongly recommend that if you notice anything: confusion, memory loss and changes in behaviour, there are many symptoms, talk to your loved ones and your GP and see what can be done to help them.”

The Merry Maids UK Forget Me Knot Challenge will continue to run throughout the summer months – with teams nationwide getting involved in the virtual relay.

You can support their teams by sponsoring us in this endeavour via donations to our JustGiving page.

All proceeds will be given to the Alzheimer’s Society.

Or you can become a Dementia Friend today, either online or through a more comprehensive and in-person training session.